he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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