Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
