i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
and you fell through a lawn chair
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
