Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
