I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
