Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
