we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
