you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
