I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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