I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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