it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
