He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
