they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
