guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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