someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
