I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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