He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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