I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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