and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
