my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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