I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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