you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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