I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
