youre lurking in front of me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
