matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
