I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
