i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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