I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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