Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
