My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
