ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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