just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
