look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
