Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
