when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
