I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
