I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
