i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
