chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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