we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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