I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
