How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
