i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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