You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
