Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
