The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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