Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This baby is an asshole
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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