My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
