It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
