Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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